on the edge of chaos

....apparently that's what Jung calls this state of delving into one's unconscious. Hillman calls it soul-making. I call it being me on any given day...

which brings me to the word on my mind;

Protean - readily assuming different forms or characters; exceedingly variable [from PROTEUS, a sea god of classical mythology who was able to assume different shapes at will].

I like it... how to use it? How to include more protean?

maybe I'll go on a high protean diet...

day of jupiter

Today the creative well seems a little dry. The idea behind this blog is to develop a daily writing practice beyond my paper and pen journal, which tends to become a bit intense and personal.

Not to mention it is often hard for me to put my writing work 'out there' in any way.. I make my way one timid submission at a time.

I can't remember which famous author said that to be a writer one must write every day, even if its just one word - so here is my one word for today:

ineffable

cut the whining

Can I use hormones as an excuse (again) for the complete turnaround from this morning's resolution that I'm ready to 'release the old'?

So much for shedding a layer!

Damn, maybe this is the shedding - letting go and holding on at the same time...

Then again, there can be warm nights and salsa in a bright new life in my beautiful shiny new skin...

am i stuck here forever?

Maybe its because the day started at 3.30 am but i feel like it has been YEARS since i went anywhere or did anything fun... like dancing. I used to go dancing, wearing high heels and cute little jeans, and people gave me attention. Now I am virtually invisible, nobody, nowhere.

Its really only a year since i got myself knocked up and put away my cowboy boots, but at the moment every time i pass a boutique or shoe shop with something sweet and strappy in the window i want to cry.

No rest for the wicked, they say, but lawd I was only wicked one night.

So I'm working my butt off, literally, to get it back into those cute little jeans, and I'm pretty close to it now - but wonder if I will even have the opportunity when the day comes. And where will I go? I know I am only imagining that all my friends seem to have moved on to coupledom and its related arcane activities, but it does seem real. Will I ever feel like me again?

Its a mystery, but keeping the faith is important at this stage - goddess only knows that it would be easy enough to give up altogether and resign myself to living the rest of my life in leisure suits and the supermarket. Its very scary for me to confront the idea that maybe my dancing days are over and I am now a suburban housewife, without the husband.

Nonetheless, I pray - yes actually pray - that there will be a pair of strappy sandals and itty bitty dress, tequila, groove and good company in the not too distant future.

middle of the night

The sky is so clear. I'm up with the baby again - she usually sleeps through but could be a bit disturbed by the night's lunar activity.

We all watched the eclipse for a while from the front lawn last night and turned in early. It has been a dizzying and tiring few days, for no apparent reason. The girls were all quite suitably impressed with the moon turning orange-red and as it was (and still is) such a clear night, the effect was something like a piece of fruit suspended in the heavens.

Amazing. For me looking at it was somewhat hypnotic as I continued with the affirmations on my mind from the weekend 'I release the old with ease and grace'. I feel like a dragon about to shed its old skin.

bibliomancy for eclipse

photo by Matt Cordes 2005 all rights reserved

"I sing of burning Artemis of the golden arrows, the adored Virgin, the Archeress who with one shot strikes the stag, the true sister of Apollo of the golden sceptre, she who, on the shadowy mountains and the wind-swept peaks, draws her bow of pure gold and shoots death-dealing arrows in the joy of the chase. The summits of the high mountains tremble, and the shady forest holds the frightened cries of the beasts of the woods; the earth trembles, as well as the sea, filled with fish. The goddess of the valiant heart springs forth on all sides and sows death among the race of wild humans." (from the Homeric Hymn, 27, to Artemis; revised version)

OK, so that all sounds a little ominous but it isn't so scary when viewed metaphorically... that is, the 'wild humans' are more like the untamed behaviours of the mind which need to be killed off when they no longer serve.




I like the idea of Artemis' golden arrows - rays of light i suppose - joyfully taking out some of the monkeys from my mind.

lunar

Up at five am with the baby i noticed how full the moon is and recalled that sometime soon - as in hours - there will be a total eclipse...turn around bright eyes.. No really, Bonnie Tyler tunes aside this is an event i'd like to see...

*the total lunar eclipse is at 4 degrees of Pisces/Virgo and here in Adelaide happens at 20.06 this evening.

inspiration strikes

actually, it wasn't so much a strike as a sneaky little ambush...

..sitting here at my desk i actually have to wear sunglasses because the room is so bright - one wall is glass, another has double glass doors and yet another has a high strip of window out of which i can see sky and the tops of trees. And it is an unusually bright day today. I'd been thinking that this must be wierd weather but then remembered that on September 2nd last year I went to a wedding wearing a pencil skirt and lacey scrap that passed for a top. Must have been good weather that day as I am a comfort loving creature and would never put form before, er, comfort (bugger function too).

so my inspiration - the thought arose that i intended to do a little series of 'origins' as in the original meaning of things, words etc. For starters the word 'inspiration' itself (the very word that made me remember what it is i am doing here) - is quite obviously related to the word 'respiration', which is strange when we consider that when we think of inspiration there is a sense of 'spark' or 'fire' and the like. The link to 'respiration' and its deeper origin of 'spirit' points toward another idea - perhaps inspiration is something we can breathe in.

first post

..first entry, wow. I had all these ideas about what i'd put in this blog and now that i've finally got around to it i am stumped.

..maybe because my brain has only recently moved from my uterus up through my breasts and lodged itself back in its rightful position - and having to rewire itself to the inside of my skull. It may take time to get into full gear.

meanwhile, here is a pic of the reason why my brain moved in the first place..